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[Music] you after I came back from Hawaii I had my deepest awakening experience yet this was after Hawaii thanks to five Meo DMT this was a level of awakening again an order of magnitude beyond anything that I have experienced thus far and I've experienced some pretty crazy things up to this point this level of awakening was just ungodly an ungodly degree of awakening it felt like the lights completely turned on this is such a radical experience and it's so far outside of anything that any ordinary human being has ever experienced or could even possibly imagine that there's just absolutely no frame of reference no common ground via which I could get this across to you you can only understand it by having it for yourself this was pure God mode it was the culmination of everything you become so awake that you realize that the only thing there is is you and you are God and that's literally what you are in this body is that you are God but of course this doesn't really make much sense to the conventional dualistic materialistic mind and it doesn't even make much sense to people who have had some glimpses of awakening here and there it doesn't still really make sense it doesn't really sink in the the depth of it doesn't really sink in the magnitude of it doesn't really sink in until the lights fully turn on and you realize just what the hell is going on here and it is possible to realize what is going on here why is all of this happening beyond this incredible God mode that I was in I experienced a complete end to all suffering fear and concerns all concerns all life problems financial problems relationship problems health problems it's the end literally the end of all problems all suffering in this in this mode you can't even comprehend what suffering is because you completely break through all personal notions of needing anything or wanting anything or being incomplete in any way this is a this is a state you reach after death with the complete end of selfhood there is no self there anymore that person that was born and that lived your whole life and that is sitting there right now listening to me that thing right there that thing that that whole persona is completely gone as though it never even existed you can't even bring it into memory anymore because it's so ridiculously false and illusory that's how radical of a shift this is it's a total inversion of reality your reality collapses and flips inside out hmm to the point where it's like you're inhabiting a completely new reality even though everything around you basically still looks just the same but your relationship and perspective on everything has changed so dramatically and there's this complete absence of selfhood that for the first time in your life you see reality unobstructed through the lens of the self and you see what reality is in its absolute form without the self and that's an amazing thing you have an infinitely nonlinear understanding of reality you understand everything so deeply it's a state of literal omniscience that is beyond what the conventional rational mind thinks of when we say the word omniscience because when we say the word omniscience people think of all that means you know all the scientific facts of the world something like that that's not true omniscience that there is not nearly as mind-blowing as true omniscience true omniscience is is way beyond a collection of all the facts about the universe it's actually tangential to all of that it's orthogonal to all of that rather than knowing all the facts you don't get to know all the facts but what you discover is that you don't need to know all the facts all the facts are irrelevant what you know is you know the essence of it all you understand the the infinite interconnectedness of everything and why it's here and all of this happens without having to know all the individual particular facts it's quite an amazing thing so after having this awakening or rather I should say during having this awakening I decided to surrender my life to this awakening and so what does that mean that means that on May 1st of this upcoming month I will begin 30 days of non-stop meditation I'm gonna isolate myself and just basically sit for 30 days straight and do absolutely nothing to take this awakening that I experienced and to really deepen it to deepen it to the point where there is no selfhood anymore and where this god mode becomes my default state this has been quite a difficult decision for me I've been thinking about doing something like this for a few years now but kind of vacillating about it because of course most of my time goes into creating these videos and running actualized I don't work and that's a full-time job and for me it's not only my job it not only pays the bills but it's much much more than that it's about a calling that I have that I have been kind of drawn to by the universe it's not something that's really coming from me it's sort of like a mission that has just come from up above and so I'm just fulfilling that mission but the counterintuitive nature of this mission is that for me to really fully fulfill this mission I can't just go around creating videos every single week I need to also go very deeply inside myself and so what I saw during this awakening is that there's a bigger game to be played here with what we're doing with actualized already and for me to to fully play that game I need to take myself out of this process of running a business and in doing the daily stuff that I do to keep this thing running because creating these videos puts me in a very conceptual frame of mind because I have to be analyzing things and thinking about things from various people's points of views and thinking about objections and questions and concerns and points of confusion that people have about these these topics and all of that is great and it's it's it's been wonderful for the last four or five years that I've been shooting these videos basically non-stop it's just been sort of this non-stop cycle of of insights and understanding and going deeper and deeper and understanding the field of personal development of spirituality more broadly and more deeply at the same time and that has been very helpful for my own growth but still it's also limiting there's two sides of this coin because this growth is still at the conceptual level still at the mental level and so what I'm finding that I need to do is I need to take myself out of this sort of daily pragmatic running a business mode and just go completely into myself because of course even though I learned so much from actualized org I learned a lot just from from formulating and articulating these insights for you I also learn a lot from getting feedback and questions from people and all of that but still it easily becomes a distraction it's still a materialistic process it's still a highly conceptual process and so that's something that has been holding me back and I've been I've been vacillating about this because I didn't know like what the right move is should I quit actualize that right entirely should I do a long retreat should I just keep doing the videos and maybe somehow sneak little retreats in here and there that's sort of the the thing that I've been doing over last year is I've been doing retreats but still most of my attention was focused on actualized org and so now the shift is that I'm turning my attention away from that for the first time in about four years that I've been shooting these videos and hence I will be isolating myself for 30 days straight during these 30 days of isolation there will be no business there will be no creative pursuits there will be no talk King there will be no socializing there will be no phone calls there will be no internet there will be no text messaging there will be no reading or any of that kind of stuff I will be doing this 30 day retreat basically at home I'm not going to any fancy location I didn't rent any any fancy cabin in in Hawaii or something like that it's just gonna be at home I'm gonna keep it very simple I've done enough of these retreats and exotic places that it really doesn't matter where you are wherever you go there you are and here I want to just keep it very simple I want to focus on the essence of my work nothing fancy I'm just gonna sit there and basically do nothing and just surrender myself more and more into the emptiness until it completely consumes me that's the objective now since it's 30 days I'm not gonna stock up on three days of food so I will be doing a little bit of driving around to the grocery store maybe once per week to procure more groceries but even during this driving period I will still try to maintain my mindfulness and be fully in the present moment doing this work the objective of this retreat is the end of personhood I want this persona of a self of alio to completely collapse and end and to enter this permanent God mode where every moment you are completely awake and you're completely conscious no matter what's happening or what's going on or what you're talking about you're always just conscious that all that there is is God and that that's what you are and also the objective is the end of all suffering and fear and boredom I really want to nip this boredom thing in the bud because this board this boredom is a much much bigger monster than most people realize most people don't realize just how much of their life is spent avoiding boredom and you really only realize that when you go on one of these long retreats and you face that boredom head-on and you see how difficult that is so I want to tackle that once and for all I want to tackle any remaining fears that I have fears of death fears of financial problems fears of not being able to survive you know there's all sorts of fears that are there under the surface that I want to tackle once and for all and any remaining sources of suffering and lastly the objective is what the Zen master is called no mind it's a state in which your mind is completely silent and for me this has been a big challenge because my mind is very active my mind is very creative my mind is incredibly conceptual you haven't told if you haven't been able to tell that yet and that has been my biggest obstacle to all this enlightenment stuff is because simultaneously as I pursue enlightenment I'm also analyzing the process as it's happening because I have this mission of then communicating it to other people so it presents a challenge because to really go and fully embody the awakening the mind has to completely stop which means that you can't really analyze what's going on so that presents a challenge so what's gonna happen here is I'm gonna go completely into this process for 30 days I'm not gonna do much analysing I'm gonna shut off the mind and see how deep I can go towards the no mind state now a couple of administrative points here there will not be any new videos or blog posts for the next month there will be no new forum posts from me but actualise org as a website and the forum and the store will we'll be fully active so you can still shop if you want to buy the life purpose course if you want to get the book list you can still do that you can still access all of those that's not going away anytime soon the forum will still be active moderators will still be moderating it and so everything will basically still keep running so don't worry about that and in fact I will still provide tech support and any kind of billing issues or refunds if you need any then I will still be providing that I will take an hour to out of my retreat probably somewhere during the middle where I will answer any kind of tech support issues that arise there aren't very many that usually arise but you know we get once or two a week or something like that so I'll address those so don't worry and that will all keep running what I think I want to do is I want to shoot one summary video for every week during this basically four week process so at the end of every week I will sort of do a summation video the way that I've done in retreats in the past where I'll talk about what's going on with me where I'm at and what my current state is and what maybe some insights that I that I gleaned were and share those with you but uh but I'm not going to post those weekly videos until June until my retreat is over so I don't distract myself so that's the game plan now actualize that org is not going away that's not what I'm saying here what I'm saying here is actually that I'm trying to deepen the work I'm trying to take it to the next level I'm trying to make myself a better teacher I'm trying to fully embody the things that I talked about and that I teach it's easy to talk about these things it's another thing to actually embody them and there are many degrees of embodiment that one can have so some of the things I talk about I already embody them to some degree but then the question is to what degree and so you know what I want to do is I want to deepen that degree there are still many important videos that I have left to shoot that I'm really excited about shooting and that's what makes this decision so difficult because I love shooting these videos in fact there there are so many videos to shoot that it's overwhelming how many of them there are there are hundreds of them my best videos I think are still yet to come we have very deep and important topics yet to cover we have topics like the nature of science the nature of language which we've still only just skimmed the surface of we'll definitely cover that in the future chaos theory the nature of perception that's a very important topic we're going to talk about causality we're going to talk about the true nature of evolution and how materialism and science misunderstands what evolution is and how it really works we're gonna talk about what consciousness is what awareness is we're gonna talk about different levels of consciousness we're gonna talk about different degrees of enlightenment and different facets to enlightenment we're gonna talk about the problems with pragmatism there's gonna be videos on systems thinking on spiral dynamics videos about emotions the true nature of emotions that's a very deep topic with many videos that will be under that dat umbrella we're gonna talk about fear we're gonna talk about anger we're talking about guilt or gonna talk about shame we're gonna talk about boredom and all the other kinds of emotions that are running your life and basically enslaving you we're gonna talk about love well we're gonna talk about chakras there's gonna be videos on healing there's gonna be videos about self bias that's still a topic that I need to cover from from earlier that I promised there's gonna be videos about integrity about brain science about brain training so I mean there's there's still so much to cover this is just scratching the tip of the iceberg of all the stuff we have to talk about and that's not even including all the stuff that I need to talk to you about which I learned recently from my Hawaii retreat tons of insights there about enlightenment and non-duality in this whole spiritual process and of course all the insights that I'll gain over the next 30 days from from this from this long solo isolated retreat so actualize that org is by no means done my plan is to come back and to resume this stuff at an even deeper level so that what I really want is I want to be able to talk about these topics in a way that gets right to the bone to the very core of these issues so that you have the most potent most concentrated wisdom and insights about how to master your emotions and how to how to do meditation retreat how to pursue enlightenment and all the sort of stuff and so even though the things I've told you in the past it's good advice generally speaking but the question it always is you know how direct is it how close to the bone does it really cut and what I've noticed is that the deeper I get into this work the more I see all the common threads and how they all interconnect very deep down you see sort of the surface structures at first but then you get to the really deep structures of how the psyche works and what the obstacles are and then you see very very clearly why people are suffering why they have pain why they keep backsliding why they keep committing the same stupidities over and over again why they're addicted and all this sorts of stuff you start to see that and so the really powerful work is being able to sort of rather than cutting off heads of this Hydra all these problems you're tackling by cutting off individual heads you attack the Hydra right at the heart and then for that of course you need to go very deeply into yourself so that's the plan I have really no idea how this is going to turn out it's an experiment I don't know whether I'm gonna succeed at this or not so just watch and see for me this is simultaneously exciting and scary it's exciting because I'm excited to take it to the next level I feel like this process of shooting video videos every single week I've sort of mastered this process I'm sort of comfortable with this process of course I can improve it a lot but it feels like I'm just polishing the details what I want is I want to like take it to the next level so I'm really excited about possibly doing that I'm really excited being able to not just speak about these things intellectually with you using words but also to embody it more physically and to embody it more energetically such that the teachings are communicated not just through my words and the concepts but really through the energy and that's what you see with a lot of really great enlightened masters and spiritual teachers is that what's remarkable about them is their energy that's what really convinces you to get into the work is the energy behind the teachings not the words not the ideas even though those can be very profound as well but as excited as I am about all that it's also scary it's frightening I've never done a retreat this long I don't really know whether I'll be able to pull it off frankly the longest I've done is about 10 days a 10-day Vipassana and that was in a more structure sort of setting and even there you know usually I would cheat a little bit here and there I would sneak a peek at my phone or the internet or something like that but also I feel like I've done so many of these retreats now that I'm getting more aware of the tricks that my mind plays on me which then derail the retreats or get me to try to like run away or to escape so I'm becoming more conscious of that and also my commitment and my determination is is deepening and that's what really happened with this with this mini awakening experience that I had on five Meo recently is that it really it really showed me that this is what I need to commit my entire life to sort of a all end type of move and so that's what I'm doing but of course you know with an all-in type of move it's you you don't know what's really gonna happen and a little bit scary because I've spent the last four years just pumping out these videos and I sort of built that up as a habit and then you know quitting one of these habits even if it's sort of a good habit as it is in this case let's say it can still be frightening because because you're surrendering something you see Ashley zurich has been my baby i'm like surrendering my baby and that's something that of course i don't want to do but that's precisely why i need to do it is because it is scary then you got to face those fears and you got to surrender all of that ultimately if you want to get to the deepest levels of awakening you can't have any attachments really including all of your positive attachments and the positive attachments in a way are really the most hardest to give up it's easy it is to to try to surrender your your negative attachments I mean it's hard to actually give them up but at least intellectually you you're onboard with this like if you're a heroin addict you know you should probably not be doing heroin and if you're like a porn addict you know that probably porn is not good for you should give it up but how do you surrender your attachment to your children to your family to your business to your career that you're really passionate about to your life purpose even how do you surrender attachment of that that's really challenging so that's what I'm gonna attempt to do a little bit here so that's it this is goodbye for now I hope that this next month even though I'm not going to be releasing much of content that you take this next month to go deeply into the work stop just watching stop just listening stop just reading take it to the next level yourself start doing the practices I've talked to you about dozens and dozens of practices at this point you know what they are stop saying you don't know how start doing it start taking action and if right now you're busy I understand maybe you have other commitments and right now you can't go deeply into the work because you have job commitments school commitments family commitments whatever that's understandable but then at least make a plan for when you're gonna go deeply into this work make a plan that you're gonna start some meditation retreat maybe not now maybe later in the summer maybe in the fall maybe in the winter maybe next year but make a concrete plan plan it out schedule it put it on your calendar put the money down for the reservation and not just a retreat there's there's many things you can do besides retreats psychedelics and starting a yoga practice starting a meditation practice shamanic breathing and all this other stuff that I've talked to you about make some commitments and some plans make it concrete for when you're gonna really go deeply into this work yes your daily practices you've been doing some Baili practices that's great but then you got to take it deeper than just a few daily practices here and there your biggest gains will come when you do isolate yourself when you put yourself into solitude and you focus your full attention on the inner work the daily stuff is great keep doing that but also carve out some time in your schedule over the next year for really going a hundred percent into this work with full focus without any distractions without any kind of other obligations or concerns business concerns or family concerns or anything that are in your way if you're a student you've got a really great opportunity because summer is coming up and during the summer you've got a lot of free time stop wasting this time around you can go very deeply into this work during the summer you have very few obligations as a student and whatever obligations you do have that you think are important guess what they're not nearly as important as you think they are ditch those go really deeply into yourself you'll thank me later when you're an adult it's much much easier to do this stuff when you're young then when you're older because as you get older your mind gets ossified it gets filled with all of its nonsense and all the social conditioning and then it's it's it's a challenge it's a real uphill battle to deprogram yourself of all of that if you're in high school right now if you're in college this is the time don't waste it right now you can make so much growth that it'll take you years or decades to do it as an adult because as an adult you're gonna have a job you can have all sorts of commitments and maybe a family and and children and a girlfriend and boyfriend and a wife and a husband and and all this sort of stuff and then it gets more challenging but even if you're an adult still no matter where you are no matter how old you are figure a way to to plan the stuff out be strategic about it and then do it so that's goodbye for now and I will be back you